Monday, December 31, 2012

Good loves lasts long.

Helloooooo 2012 2013.

This year I spent the last hours with the drama guys. So much fun, it made me miss being in TP. Sometimes I think - no wait - I always think that somehow, I had to go to TP. It's like a set point in my life. I had too. Life would be so different if I didn't go & that's good diff and not a bad. I loved TP. TP forced my hand, TP made me better, TP gave me my drama loves. I will forever love TP for that.

So, before meeting up with the drama loves, I headed out w/ S to R place. Absolutely glad I got S to head down with me! My fingertip were freezing with nerves, mainly because I haven't seen them or spoken to them  since that incident. That one. I just, I just feel like sometimes, we live on - wait no - no point trying to hash it over. It's done, we're over. You never once made it seem that losing my friendship hurt you. You didn't even acknowledge me. In my head we had a fight. All the things I needed to say came out. I shouted to you. I said that I didn't want to try to fix this because I was tired. I am tired of always trying to fix this. We're doomed to fail. And I shouted at you for not trying. Not even caring. I left, but you, you let me. After all the times I tried to keep this going. You, you're my gravity. I want to leave but you pull me in every time.
We left R's early. I didnt want to go, but I did.

Heading to N's after that and had the most amazing seafood pasta! N's mum can really cook! Actually, I kinda craving for it now. Hehs. I spent half the time regretting you and the other half going crazy. And a little bit thinking how both last year and this year I was missing someone. SO LAME. THIS BETTER NOT BE A THING. I DONT LIKE THIS SHIT.

yes, okay that was my last moments of 2012.

Now really, hello 2013.
We've come so far. 
xx

Sunday, December 2, 2012

I've been playing around with this though for a while,

" If you're not happy for yourself, then you can never be happy for others." 


& if you're never happy for others, there's always gonna be something that will get you down. 


Yes?
xx

Monday, November 26, 2012

again again it's me.

Have i blogged about my birthday? No?

Bought Ben & Jerry to celebrate with the fam at midnight. Woke my mum up so she'd celebrate with all of us, we ended up having B&J & KFC!
Oh shit - no time to blog, have to clean up my room then study!

Health Psychology UT on Weds!
till later
xx

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Tips.

Some tips I found to de-flake myself:


  • Get to the Real Problem First aka Why is the cognitive thinking behind my being late? Identify the false beliefs that swirl through the procrastinator's emotional undercurrents. If you are forever tardy, you may believe, "I must finish this task before I leave," or, "I shouldn't have to push myself to be on time." 
  • Snap out of the PresentThink about how you will feel tomorrow if you skip out on an obligation today. Putting yourself at a distance from your current perspective can tune you in to future regrets and get you moving now.
  • Be Responsible for Three MinutesTell yourself you will work on a task for three minutes. When the time is up, you can evaluate if you want to continue or not—but momentum will likely kick in and you will finish up.
  • Set up a Penalty SystemMaking life harder for yourself in the long run doesn't mean you'll gladly suffer discomfort, Edelstein says. Try paying a dollar to a cause you oppose for every minute you are late.

Personality Test.

HOBO.

Anyway, did a personality test in school last week & here are the abbreviation results. The actual results were about 8 pages long because of all the explanations! 

The personality test is centered on the Trait theory. Trait study is an approach to studying human personality. Basically, in this, there is the Five-Factor Theory of Personality, also known as the Big 5. 

They are: 
  1. Extroversion
  2. Agreeableness
  3. Conscientiousness
  4. Neuroticism
  5. Openness
They can be remembered as: CANOE or OCEAN 

Here are my test results:
Your score on Extroversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

Your score on Conscientiousness is low, indicating you like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

And then it goes in detail a bit more here: 

Extraversion Facets
Your level of friendliness is average.
Your level of gregariousness is high.
Your level of assertiveness is high.
Your activity level is low.
Your level of excitement-seeking is high.Your level of positive emotions is low.

Agreeableness Facets
Your level of trust is average.
Your level of morality is low
Your level of altruism is high.
Your level of compliance is low
Your level of modesty is average.
Your level of tender-mindedness is high.

Conscientiousness Facets
Your level of self-efficacy is low.
Your level of orderliness is low.
Your level of dutifulness is low.
Your level of achievement striving is low.
Your level of self-discipline is low.
Your level of cautiousness is low.

Neuroticism Facets
Your level of anxiety is high.
Your level of anger is average.
Your level of depression is high.
Your level or self-consciousness is low.
.Your level of vulnerability is high
Your level of immoderation is high.

Openness Facets
Your level of imagination is high.
Your level of artistic interests is high
Your level of emotionality is high
Your level of adventurousness is average
Your level of intellect is average
Your level of liberalism is high.

Obviously, I've got issues with self discipline and I need to work on that before it gets out of hand Hell! It's already getting out of hand with me coming to school late for almost everyday. Another thing that sucks is that "easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living" I don't wanna be that way, but I know that's the truth and I give up and get strung out too fast, too easily. 

You know, this is not the person that I'd be at 21 years old. I thought I'd have it all together by now or at the very least working. But I'm not gonna moan and groan about it, I'm grateful for all the lessons learnt by going down this path. I'm stronger and I will get better. 


I will get better. 
xx








Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Kiss Kiss

Not inspired to for anything. 

No rants, no deep insights, no loving messages. 
No words? 

No, there will always be words.
Words that fill the air, perfuming my thoughts and stealing my air.

I've been thinking about kisses a lot lately. 
Of all the kisses I've had, I've never had that one kiss. 

The kind that pulls you in, sucks you up,
makes you lost in the other persons arms. 
The kind that takes you deep down and wraps around you,
gently forcing you into bliss. 

The kind where the person you're with becomes your oxygen
and encompasses you and you are them and they are you. 
You never want it to stop. 

And then it does but then you realize that he was never your oxygen. 
He was just merely, your lungs. 

I'll leave you with that tonight because it's cold and I need warmth.
More warmth then you can give me.

xx

Sunday, November 4, 2012

There are no words that I can use to tell you my state of mind. 

It's just all over the place I guess. 
-- there you go, four words to tell you. 

Maybe a lot of times it's just me. and a lot of times I'm overthinking, overeating, overdramatic, over - over - over - over. Just a little too over. 

And sometimes it's all of you. I wanna dive into an ocean and shut the world out and just be left alone because I can't stand the silence - the awkward lies, the awkward smiles. The awkward everything. 

Time's flying by, 
Moving so fast,
& you'd better make it count
cause it ain't coming back.

Monday, October 29, 2012

I'll let you go by, 
because this, this is it. 
This is goodbye. 

Saturday, October 27, 2012

I will make mistakes and I will hurt some people. - maybe a lot of people. And i'll throw away some friendships and fight for some others. Going away and coming back full circle is part of life and this most important thing is that I will learn some hard lessons.

Give me strenght to know what's right, give me strenght to keep going and trying.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Recently,

How do I explain my need to break away from you?

We're friends, yes. 
Nine years, yes. 
Share similar friends, yes. 

But that was for all these years. What about now? The present? I think I can't relate anymore. You have other people, and we're just not -- not on the same level? 

What if we're still the same people but our lives are different. How can that work? How can you be my "best friend" if nothing's there anymore. I don't tell you about half my life. And I have no clue about yours. 

I think that this is weak. You fight for the ones you cherish. You fight tooth and nail and you fight dirty. But what if what we've been holding on to all this while doesn't exist anymore and our friendship is just stitched together with memories. 

Do I leave now with the memories? You and me - laughing constantly - flea days - bubbletea treats- dirty jokes - walking in the middle of the dark field, yammering on about everything? What about your secrets? Where do I place them? And what about mine? Where do they go? 

Or should I fight till we're both raw and gone? When all that remains of our time is red haze. And pain. Because you don't let friends go without slicing of a little bit of yourself.  

You're so good at indifference and I'm amazing at running away. 

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough. 
Just a second, we're not broken, just bent.

hell if i know. hell if i don't. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I remember you.

I remember you. So strong and you knew the world. everything. you knew the world.

What's left of you? Shattered bits  & pieces- stitched together by empty bits of hopes and promises.

i'm tired of always trying. I dont know why it's so tough to keep going but fuck it is.


I knew you were trouble - now playing

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Childhood Memories: Cartoons Edition


Well, I Ship. . .

Arthur & Francine

Buster & DW

Sue Ellen & Binky

George & Fern



Thursday, October 4, 2012

Midnight regrets.

Hello there again,

This has become a place for me to vent. A place away from logic and "proper emotions" and from people. This has become my place.

I'm bad company sometimes, on my mind is what I'd be doing if I were alone. Yes, that means that I'm alone most of the times - but the funny thing is, you can feel alone in a room full of people. Even if everyone in the room is your friend. Things like that happen and I've accepted that. When I'm alone, in my room or the lib or anywhere else, my imagination runs wild. Scenes that would never in a million years happen play in my head, and in my head - I am who I want to be. A person with an exciting future.

I'm probably just feeling moopy now.

I saw a video somewhere that said that - oh shit, I forgot. Hold on a min, I'm gonna tumblr to find the screenshot.


****

oh fuck that, I can't find it basically  it was like

" What made life so exciting when we were young was that we all had hope. We could be whatever we wanted to be.We could be a doctor, a lawyer, a badass rockstar or a dentist. But as we grew up, we had to make choices. And with every choice we make, what we could be, the number of things we could be, shirks.

Then came poly, where we had to choose. One industry, one line, one life. the ultimate choice.

But fact is (I'm just bottom-lining here) there are so much other things to look forward to in life and it's not all work. I hope. Anyway, it's not what you do that matters, it's who you do it with.

Make friends, make lovers, make stories and legends. "

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Monday, October 1, 2012

Late night games of Bubble Blasters


Life's like a game of Bubble Blaster.
Sometimes, life, like the crazy squirrel, hands you the easiest balls, and sometimes you get the worst.
And sometimes, your shots are one in the million and others are . . .less than good.

Sometimes you get to change the game around and others, you end way too soon because of an error or two you made.

Because life's like that. Life's a crazy squirrel.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

GPA Sem 1

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands
*clap clap*

Extremly proud of my results because the last time round in TP I couldnt even dream of getting 2.0! Now it's 2.80! 

With a little hard work, I think I'll be able to go for 3.0 or 3.5! :D 

Monday, September 24, 2012

Ten-Minute Beauty

Ten Minute Beauty

2012 Wardrobe Essentials

2012 Back to School


Angsty Much Monday's

I guess this is the high and low everyone talks about. This is my low. When I sit alone in my room and think of every mean thing about everyone. I make myself out to be someone I'm not and everything evil in me just comes pouring out.

I think it because I'm trying to make myself into something that I'm not. But it's been happening for so long that I have no idea who I really am or what I'm going to be. I'm no longer a lost teenager. Wasn't all this shit supposed to be behind me already?

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Nuts in the heart.


Planning to attempt to the purple one! 

I will need:

- 25 cm pieces of colorful rope ( fake leather or satiny like material)
- Many many many gold screw nuts
- Bracelet Closure 

I'll go wherever you will go.




Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way, way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

xx

Monday, September 17, 2012

Friday, September 14, 2012

Simple Plan


Dear boys of Simple Plan,

You were my first loves.

The very first CD I bought - the hours I spent imagining of all the things that would happen when I became a famous song writer (don't judge) and you (specifically Pierre Bouvier) would need me to write a song for you. I'd say no and you'd pester me and against all odds, we'd fall in love. I won't bore you with the details but I thought I'd just thank you. Your songs got me through so many moments. So many awkward situations where I thought I was the only dumbass that shit happened to. How I love you. 

 It was you and me against the world in my head - and boy, were we ever awesome. 

That first album, No pad, No helmets...Just Balls was were I feel in love. And like every other teenage romance, it started of a little slow. I liked you. You were nice and cool, you made me smile and most importantly, you made me feel like the future was something to be welcomed - i couldn't wait to find a boy that would sing me all your songs and not be able to put me in the past. Of course, all the boys in my head had Pierre's face on them but that's how life goes. 

Then it started. 

I became you. Or to make it sound less creepy - I finally became the song. Okay, that didnt sound right either. I felt what you were singing about and I understood and there was heartbreak and joy but most importantly, you were a constant. All that heartbreak in one song but at the next song, you were still there singing about how you'd do anything for me. Which boy would do that?! 

You were my breath. You were the little tingles in my soul. 

Then it changed. 

Maybe it was you, or maybe it was me but we changed. Your newer songs - they didnt click. They were good but we never had that magical moment were we both there and everything else didnt matter. We fell apart. I moved on. 

 I'll always have that special tingle when I hear songs from your first album and now I realise, that that's just enough for me. You've gone a whole new direction and so have I but we'll always share the tingles. 

xx

Thursday, September 13, 2012


If I could ever meet her, I'd hope my grandmother appears. I'd ask her why she never loved me like she loved the rest. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Shopping List

- St Ives Apricot Scrub
- Essences Make up base
- Essences Eye Primer
- St Ives Mud Pack

Sunday, August 26, 2012


So Cognitive tmr, huh?

Let's just have a Who's The Boss marathon kay?

Thursday, August 23, 2012

My family's like a cut and paste family. We slash at each other, we crumple each other up but we stick on together for appearance sake. I know that this is one of the challenges that I'm supposed to face head on but how can I when everything and everyone around me reminds me of what I don't have? Jalan Raya on the first day, grandparents who love me, aunts and uncles who cherish me and cousins who hold steady no matter what.

Cut & Paste Family.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I think my family hates one another. Maybe hate is too big of a word, maybe dislike? Or maybe uninterested? Either way, nobody cares in this family.


Saturday, August 4, 2012

Baked Wedges


Things have been pretty rocky at home so comfort foods are becoming a really *comfort* to me now. (hahah, geddit? comfort foods a comfort? not funny huh?) Anyway, I've been turning to this really easy recipe to make home-baked potato wedges. The basic technique is simple and after you find your way around the kitchen, you'll be able to experiment further. So on three separate days, I tried three separate combinations for the potato and so here they are:

Day Three: Sweet Cajun Baked Wedges


3 medium sized russet potatoes, cut into similar sized wedges
(A) This is the part where you can experiment with but always put 2 tbsps of oil
 2 tablespoons of veg oil
1 teaspoon of cajun spices
1 teaspoon of honey mustard
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon of sugar
2 garlic cloves, grated 

Preheat oven to 180

Place a baking tray cover with foil into oven to heat up

Mix all ingredients in A

Microwave potato wedges for 10 mins

Once microwaved, mix the wedges with the mixture in A. 

Cover potatoes with a plate and marinate for 5 mins

Take tray out of the oven and place potatoes on them on one layer.  

Bake for 15 mins, flip them and them another 15.

Day Two: Spicy Cayenne Cajun Wedges



(A)
 2 tablespoons of veg oil

1 teaspoon of cayenne powder
1 teaspoon of cajun spices
A dash or 3 of sugar
1/2 teaspoon of salt


Day One: Really Spicy Asian Wedges

(A)
 2 tablespoons of veg oil

1 teaspoon of chili powder
1 teaspoon of curry powder
A dash or 3 of cumin powder
1/2 teaspoon of salt


 So! 3 beautiful effortless types of Baked Wedges for three humdrum days! I've got to say, day one was really really spicy and hot and mouth on fire, not much flavor there though! Day two was a little bit better but day three was the best! The grated garlic made a huge huge huge difference and when I try this again, I'm thinking garlic, cajun spices and curry powder! Yummy! 





Sunday, July 29, 2012

Spicy Orange Wings


1 cup orange jam or marmalade, (strain if contains an excess of orange rind pieces)
1/3 cup rice vinegar
1/4 cup hoisin sauce
1 tablespoon soy sauce

Honey-Brined Southern Fried Chicken Breasts - Lower Fat Fried Chicken Breast Recipe (foodwishes.com)

Ingredients:
2 boneless-skinless chicken breasts
3 cups cold water
1/4 cup kosher salt
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup buttermilk
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon onion salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
lots of cayenne
vegetable oil for frying






Sunday, July 22, 2012

What kind of person am I?

I feel like I'm covered so deeply with so many messages of who or what I'm supposed to be that I can't tell who I am.
If I was raised differently, would I be the villain?
Or would I be the calm, confident person that I'm not? 

Who am I?

Who will I be?

Was everything real?


Saturday, July 21, 2012

Ramadan

Gonna take this month to reflect on how judgmental and bitch I've been acting lately. #rechargingbatteries

Monday, July 16, 2012

Reflection Journals.

I wanted to write a crock & bull story about how the media forced me to buy so many useless stuff but as I did, this story took shape. I guess, no matter how we try to hide it, the truth comes calling eventually.


Question: 2) Share an experience where you had been very much influenced by a media message. What was the result? What would you do differently after today’s lesson?




"You need to buy this now and your life will be
complete" or "Smell like Beyonce and you will be forever
popular and rich and happy". On a daily basis this is
what the media tell the average teenage girl. I myself
am no exception. Everywhere we look, the media is subtly
controlling the way we dress, the way we look, talk,
walk and even sleep. Media controls everything, yet at
the same time, we are the media. We convey their
messages like brainless droids, bowing down to the
Media's command.

Today's RJ will be about a vicious cycle that has no
end. This is what the media has made me. For me, the
media has one message, you are not good enough. On TV or
in the magazines, I was never like those girls.Every
other girl was, why wasn't I? I felt like an outcast.

I felt the full power of this message when I turned 16
and I was deemed not pretty enough or thin enough by
what seemed like everyone. When I was 16, I withdrew
into myself. I was loud and obnoxious. Yes, I know that
people who withdraw into their selves aren't loud but
for me I felt like I put myself into a small safe box,
one that nobody could reach.The surface me was replaced
by a brass, rude, loud, obnoxious, know-it-all. What
people said to me didn't matter. Nothing did. You dint
like my voice? Your bad. You think I'm annoying? What do
I care?

This went on for so many years and I realize that the
worst part of this was, that I never learnt to listen.
For so many years, I screened everything out that not
listening to the bad was the way I learnt to move on.
Because of this, I've had to learn lessons the harder
way. Only now, at the peak of turning 21 and am finally
learning that not everybody cares how I look and sound
and some people genuinely want the best for me.

I guess what I'd do after today's lesson is to learn to
take the media a little less seriously, after all, isn't
the media just a fantasy world? Thank you!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Le sigh

Sliding downhill. Goodness never lasts in me.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Republic Sem One













































god, that was a long one. 
ten weeks since the start of RP. 
ten weeks.