Friday, September 30, 2011
weights
Weight is, and has always been, a touchy issue for me. I'm not a skinny girl, let's put it that way and being not skinny, in a world that's in love with perfection, is not an easy thing.
I'm not supposed to care, at least, I'm not one who you'd think that would care about it but lately all I can think about is how people view me. Maybe it's because I directly link acceptance to good looks and I truth be told I don't rate that high in the looks department either. (whole different crisis, will blog later)
Yes, we all know that linking acceptance to good looks is wrong and degrading and insulting, even to some people but in my heart, it's there. That idea is there. My ego says that good looking/slim people have all the fun, attract all the right guys but, don't worry guys, my brain knows it's not true. But to fight my ego, it's tough. Yet somehow, I realize that's it's not just about looking good. It's also about health.
I want to fly. To run without limits. To feel free and to me (this is the hardest thing I've ever put out here), my weight is holding me down (i did it, oh my goodness, people know!) Yes, I know it's not supposed to be something I'm ashamed off but when you spend almost 13 years being self conscious about something, it's not just gonna go away because you tell yourself that's it's wrong to feel that way.
So, I've decided, not more limits. If not for my health, then for generation ahead of me, for the future, for me. For me. For me to believe in myself again, to know that I not someone who just lets things happen, someone who lets life by. I'm going to lead my life now and it's not going to lead me.
xx
I'm not supposed to care, at least, I'm not one who you'd think that would care about it but lately all I can think about is how people view me. Maybe it's because I directly link acceptance to good looks and I truth be told I don't rate that high in the looks department either. (whole different crisis, will blog later)
Yes, we all know that linking acceptance to good looks is wrong and degrading and insulting, even to some people but in my heart, it's there. That idea is there. My ego says that good looking/slim people have all the fun, attract all the right guys but, don't worry guys, my brain knows it's not true. But to fight my ego, it's tough. Yet somehow, I realize that's it's not just about looking good. It's also about health.
I want to fly. To run without limits. To feel free and to me (this is the hardest thing I've ever put out here), my weight is holding me down (i did it, oh my goodness, people know!) Yes, I know it's not supposed to be something I'm ashamed off but when you spend almost 13 years being self conscious about something, it's not just gonna go away because you tell yourself that's it's wrong to feel that way.
So, I've decided, not more limits. If not for my health, then for generation ahead of me, for the future, for me. For me. For me to believe in myself again, to know that I not someone who just lets things happen, someone who lets life by. I'm going to lead my life now and it's not going to lead me.
xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)