Sunday, September 4, 2016

If I am wrong, then let me be wrong. Life seems to drive me a million miles away from every comfort nook I've held dear. Then again, life seems to teach in only contradictions. I won't lie. I am heart-broken at the way you are and if there was every a way or time where my words could stand alone, I would let them come and drench rooms with the storms they hold inside.

The words would have told you that you should have looked closer.

It's hard to say that you should have looked closer at all the moments, when you were at your worst, when you were at your best - when you were standing alone. It hard to say because you'll take my words and twist them. Don't fault me for wanting you to have stood by me the way I stood by you. I stood by you, not because I wanted your loyalty, that would have been nice but that isn't the reason I stood by you. I stood by you because I believed in the good that you were. But in the end, was it all just what I wanted to see? I can't live my life by my mistakes. I won't.

There are lessons in our failures that we can keep,
and that will keep the memories of you sweet.
People shouldn't be kept on pedestals;
No one should.

It will get better.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

And there are times we have to let go.
Times where our  faith has to be stronger than our need for control. 
Be scared, be out of your mind frantic 
but be ready for it. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

I don't think it comes as a surprise (to many) that im an emotional person. Everything moves me and I'm constantly trying to find meaning in a hundred different things.. All at once. I may come across as a handful but let me tell you how this handful loves. When I love, I love strongly. I'll defend you, I'll create for you, I'll make sure that in this moment and in every other, I'm there rooting for you. I don't do part time when it comes to all my relationships. Hell yeah I've got issues but I'd rather take my handful of issues and be completely authentic than be part time and float around. Today and every other day, I am for you.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Thursday, October 15, 2015

October 15, 2015 at 06:52PM

via Instagram I sometimes think I miss the small moments more. The ones that slowly slip away in the chaos of everything.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

October 10, 2015 at 08:26PM

via Instagram So...when's your turn sunshine girl? May happiness and love engulf your family! May this new future bring you the laughter of many new additions!! In sha Allah! Amin πŸ’• #SFXX15

Friday, October 9, 2015

October 09, 2015 at 05:05PM

via Instagram And you feel like home somehow.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

October 03, 2015 at 09:08PM

via Instagram BIRTHDAY BOK! bok of all boks and my favourite bok Happy Birthday! You are loved and you are missed and you need to get your ass near mine once more! I will see you soon πŸ’•πŸ’•

October 03, 2015 at 09:02PM

via Instagram

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Monday, September 14, 2015

September 15, 2015 at 12:42PM

via Instagram Take heart, this world is ours.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

we are all just stories in the end.

I used to recognize myself, 
It's funny how reflections change 
- James Bay, Let It Go. 

I've been thinking about how coincidences matter. All the bits add up into this huge story that I can't see right now but they add up. They form this secular wall around us, surrounding us with circumstance and something that feels a lot like hope. Maybe it's real - or maybe it's not and it's just likely that I've been reading too much into everything. Investing too much on this one notion that what will be will be. "Jodoh itu, pasti bertemu, " they say. Our path is written and so it shall be. 

With only one life ahead of me, I can't help but to want to be greedy with all the stories. I want to go through everything, yet at the same time, nothing at all. Stories don't automatically come happy endings and I've already had one or two stories that I would like nothing better to not have had. But even the worst stories, they become hard to say goodbye to. 

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Friday, July 17, 2015

July 17, 2015 at 07:52PM

via Instagram All along it was a fever. // 🌌 ☀ Salam Aidilfitri to you and yours! From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for any wrong I may have committed. Please know that it was never intentional and if it was, I'm trying my very best to be better than I was yesterday. May all your days be filled with love, laughter and contentment. May we all see another blessed Ramadan πŸ’ŸπŸ’Ÿ #vscocam

July 17, 2015 at 07:48PM

via Instagram All along it was a fever. // Salam Aidilfitri to you and yours! From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for any wrong I may have committed. Please know that it was never intentional and if it was, I'm trying my very best to be better than I was yesterday. May all your days be filled with love, laughter and contentment. May we all see another blessed Ramadan πŸ’ŸπŸ’Ÿ

Friday, June 12, 2015

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

May 13, 2015 at 06:30PM

via Instagram Graduation felt really good for a moment. The best moment. Then you realise you're as clueless as when you first began.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Ya Allah, I'm ready to be more patient, more understanding, more loving, more righteous, more humble person. Guide me onto a better path, guide me to you.

Help me see the beauty in my struggles because at this point all I constantly see is hurt and pain and I know, I know there is more. Set me upon the path that you've deem right and worthy. Set me upon the path to Jannah.

Monday, May 4, 2015

May 04, 2015 at 06:07PM

via Instagram I've always been the kid who loses her way but thank Allah for giving me parents who've let me lead my own path. My stumbles and falls, my mistakes but most importantly, my decisions. It can't be easy to watch your kid make dumb, painful mistakes but thank you for allowing me that. Today was for you guys. The pride I feel in achieving this diploma compares nothing in the pride I feel to have done this for you. You my ride-or-die's πŸŽ‡πŸŽŽπŸŽ‡

Saturday, May 2, 2015

You know when you can't connect with a person as well as you used to and then there's just this big, scary hole where this something used to be?

It's 4 am and I'm wondering why.

I mean I know why, but why why.

What's your bottom line?

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Honestly, I think the worst kind of feeling is not being all that you could be. It's not disappointment from the people around me that brings me down (too thick skinned for that, excluding my parents, of course) but it's the total and utter disappointment that radiates violently from my core when I know that I could have done better, should be doing better or need to do better.
Some days, you feel like you've lost something so important, so vital to the way you stand in life that you begin to look to the floor for comfort. There's nothing down there except your demons. Stop looking down.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

April 16, 2015 at 01:43PM

via Instagram Bonds will never be broken and love will never be lost.

Monday, April 13, 2015

April 14, 2015 at 12:13PM

via Instagram When you're super late and all your friends take selfies without you. It's okay guys, dimaafkan. // Credits to @afiqahrei for the amazing edit πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

April 14, 2015 at 12:04PM

via Instagram Bed & Breakfast. // Thank you for the invite, @ammaraubry & sis!

Monday, March 30, 2015

You've got your claws buried deep. 
// Bite Down - Bastille //

My thoughts are a tangle in my head that I don't really want to solve; because solving means definition and finality and a clear line that we can't get back from. It means that we are no longer where we are because we would be steps ahead.  It means letting go and starting again.

 I never thought I'd be this - I never thought I'd be a coward, so scared of what awaits that I rather just stay in this undefined limbo of time, stuck between being a student and an adult.I can't get the rational words onto this page. Everything's mashed up in here - like when I was a kid, I would make bath time pizza dough; which really was just talcum powder and whatever liquids I had on hand. It was a mess. Just like this crossroad is. Welcome to the crossroad of hell.


Welcome to the crossroads of transition. Where everything is brand-spanking-new and everything changes or resets upon itself. Friendships go astray, questions answered become void and invalid and most importantly, life progresses.

I've always believed that hindsight is amazaballs- so this will be me, waiting and watching to see what astounding conclusions await me.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Thursday, March 26, 2015

March 27, 2015 at 01:30PM

via Instagram I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now, so let the light shine on me.

Friday, March 20, 2015

March 21, 2015 at 12:01PM

via Instagram Please remember to follow the standard operating procedures set.

Friday, March 13, 2015

March 14, 2015 at 11:57AM

via Instagram So I put my faith in something unknown. I'm living on such sweet nothing.

March 13, 2015 at 06:58PM

via Instagram I don't know where I'm going but I don't think I'm coming home. #bali2k1five

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

March 12, 2015 at 10:15AM

via Instagram Monkey warriors πŸ’

Monday, March 9, 2015

March 10, 2015 at 08:16AM

via Instagram So I put my hands up, they're playing my song. The butterflies fly away 🌞 #bali2k1five

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Monday, March 2, 2015

"You don't have to do this alone."

But I do. I am alone.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

February 25, 2015 at 12:27PM

via Instagram HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEEEE! @nurulhudahalil May your twenty fourth year be filled with blessings of good heath, happiness and inner peace. May you always find the strenght to be stronger than you were yesterday and the courage to be exactly who you are. You cant pick family, but I'm glad I have you! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ (24 hearts for 24 years!)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Do you know that I've taken every small moment with you and stored them in a locked chest hidden down the dark alleys of my veins and soul?

Do you know that I treasure them so?

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

February 18, 2015 at 03:16PM

via Instagram Familar places with familar people.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Be enough.

You will get tired of not being enough.

But here's the thing, you are enough.
Every bit of you has been fashioned and moulded into a form so specifically perfect for who you are and the growing bundle of potential that reside underneath your skin.

And in this vast, vast world, do you really think that you're not enough for all the things your body aches for you to discover?

You were made to be exactly who you are. 

I want to know exactly who I am and what I'm about and moulding myself in someone else's shadow won't help me do so.


Sunday, February 15, 2015

February 16, 2015 at 11:49AM

via Instagram Sometimes when things get really bad, you regress. And while it feels safe for a little while, it's not enough.

Some days are filled with people and other days are filled with thoughts. The best kinds are days that are filled with people and kind thoughts.

There should be fireworks.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

February 15, 2015 at 01:35PM

via Instagram Of ice cream waffles and MacD's #standardoperatingprocedures



▫All things come in good time.

▫When it's meant for you, it'll be great.

▫It'll be amazing and magical and hit so  close to home that you'll feel like every single step in your life was in preparation for this moment.

▫The small loves of you life will be nothing compared to the ones destined for you.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

February 12, 2015 at 06:07PM

via Instagram When all our friends are dead and just a memory, we'll lie side by side, it's always been just you and me. 🎧🎡

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


I wonder if anyone else feels as much as of a fraud as I feel? Like when we walk around with our heads held high, paying our bills and doing all the adult shit we do, does anyone else feel like screaming "I'm a goddamn fraud you guys!!!!! Im just pretending to be an adult!!!!"

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

February 03, 2015 at 08:30PM

via Instagram You have SAM photobooth shots, I have Jb Neoprints. πŸ“·πŸ‘» // Super kaiwaii with @natashawitwicky todayy 🌸🌻🌺

Saturday, January 31, 2015

January 31, 2015 at 03:53PM

via Instagram Orange you glad it's a Saturday and there's no work on a Monday?

Friday, January 30, 2015

January 30, 2015 at 07:36PM

via Instagram

January 30, 2015 at 06:49PM

via Instagram Im not lucky, im blessed, yes. Leaving doesnt feel as good as it should and saying all the goodbyes today... arrow to the heart.

Friday, January 23, 2015

January 24, 2015 at 02:16PM

via Instagram Oh when you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

January 20, 2015 at 06:59PM

via Instagram Happy things come in bright colours. #lastdaysofintern #singledigitcountdown

Saturday, January 17, 2015

January 18, 2015 at 11:44AM

via Instagram Took a little break from reality, talking of destiny and aunts. All the love for this girll πŸ’•πŸ™Œ

Friday, January 16, 2015

January 17, 2015 at 11:32AM

via Instagram It's not what you say that matters, it's what you do. Countless times, this has been proven true. Also, best way to (really) end the week! #justlikekl #doyouhavethatmilkything

Thursday, January 15, 2015

January 15, 2015 at 08:36PM

via Instagram This was a really good way to (almost) end the week. Starbucks and M&M's with @taofiqmasakazu!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

January 10, 2015 at 11:02PM

via Instagram In eyes not yet created, on tongues that are not yet born. I have written you down. Now you will live forever. #bastille

Friday, January 9, 2015

January 10, 2015 at 02:09PM

via Instagram Start from the bottom now the whole gang here. // POP LOHH. May you always find your strenghts and silver linings wherever you end up. #zaididahpop #zaidipopcherry #zaidi4thcoy ((Tap to find Zaidi))

Sunday, January 4, 2015

I find in life, the only way to handle fear is to face it head on. 

We all have secret fears. They may be irrational, they may be petty or they may be very, very real. There are the fears that I won't even voice to my closest friends because if I do that, doesn't that tempt fate? What if it comes true if I put a voice to it? It's like signing my own death warrant.

But these couple months have taught me way more about how I should live life than I ever thought it would. I hated the first half of my internship. It was like every bad dream come to life. It wasn't so much as what I did that made me hate it, it was how it made me feel. I think that's the part that most people didn't get when I moaned about my internship.

 It wasn't the cleaning, the wiping or the general mundaneness of it all. It was feeling underutilized. I knew that I could do so much better - to be put to work into tasks where I could use what I learnt in school, to be challenged and questioned and just to let my brain juices flow. I think it brought back every single childhood memory of being under appreciated, of being underestimated, of being just not enough. Not good enough to given tasks that mean something. I was a child with issues.

I think weirdly, that's my worst fear, of having no one believe that I could be capable of more. So when all I did was clean, it brought my worst fears to life. And you what? I faced it.

The worst thing happened and I faced it. I didn't like it but I faced it.

There's something liberating about having your worst fears stare you in the eye and confront you.
& you may take a pummel and you may fall but at the end of the day, you're still getting by.
You're still moving past.

My worst fears may not be over, they may all be realized soon enough,  but I will get through this.

Trust in the journey that He has planned for you.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

December 30, 2014 at 06:11PM

via Instagram The nights you could cope, Your intentions were gold. But mountains will shake, I need to know I can still make Explosions. πŸŒ‹πŸŒŒ

Saturday, December 27, 2014

December 27, 2014 at 06:54PM

via Instagram & I got that red lip classic thing that you like.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

December 25, 2014 at 12:17PM

via Instagram Nothing a little chocolate fondue & mindless reality shows can't fix! πŸ‘©πŸ‘§☕

December 25, 2014 at 12:16PM

via Instagram Nothing a little chocolate fondue & mindless reality shows can't fix! πŸ‘©πŸ‘§☕

Friday, December 19, 2014

December 20, 2014 at 12:26PM

via Instagram You've got that James Dean daydream look in your eyes.

And I think of you and miss you the most during the moments I know you're supposed to be here. I miss you so much Nicks.

But I can only imagine how your family is coping. You were so you, so Nicky 🐎,  so calm and accepting and so collected and so Nicky -ish...I cant even describe it. We were blessed with 33 years of you. Sometimes it's like a dream that you're no longer here with us. I wished I had said a proper goodbye. But I don't think that matters now. Im sure you know how loved you are.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

December 14, 2014 at 08:30PM

via Instagram Congratulations @effagates!! Im so happy I was able to witness this new milestone in your life! Insha Allah, we'll witness more milestones together! I love and miss you girlss 😘😘😘😘 πŸ‘©πŸ‘§πŸ‘©πŸ‘§